Excitement

4 more months till Seattle, I'm hyped as ever and I guess I'll carry on using here to write events which I feel I should note down and let people see. Because I don't care if you like reading this or not, you could click that big red X if you wanted.

However, getting to go to the US of A will be so amazing, especially since both Denise and I are staying at host families. I'm hoping it'll be kind of a typical American experience; with a twist. Buuut I could go on forever about that. Look look look how exciting it looks, and yeaah it looks similar to Auckland but I bet itll be like a gazillion times better!

\

Secondly, I've started becoming obsessed with Alexander McQueen thanks to Tavi's post about him. What sucks is that I discovered his brilliance after he had died. Whyyyy did you have to kill yourself, I was looking foward to seeing his new collections.. I think I'll have a post with just pictures of his work. I think he deserves it.

I'll write some more pointless stuff later.

Mmmm cookies.

Chocolate cookies mmmmmm.

Trying to lose weight really sucks when you love to bake. And theres no way of making scrumpcious cookies if you can't use lots of butter and sugar.. cookies and millk ♥  thehehe

We will always look for an escape.

Things will always get out of your control. And sometimes you just don't know where to turn, some people go towards the right places while others don't. But in the end, you'll always end up back where you started; startled and confused. So you pace, back and foward watching the same scenes go by over and over again. How are you meant to know what happens next?

Do we pace a little longer? Look around for that open door? Or do we wait at the locked one, trying each key which all don't fit.

Whatever is is, looks like none of these doors are willing to budge. fuck it.

Mary Jane Heels.

I have finally bought heels for my school ball! I got black Mary Jane pump heels, but the 2 strap version!

kinda like what Lauren Conrad is wearing haha btw what is up with her coat? cute but strange. I booked my appointment for my hair aswell, I'm going to a nice Japanese lady, well hopefully nice.

I also found some amazing lace-up brogues today at an amazing price, but just like last time.. I didn't buy them. Am I crazy? I  think so. Next time... next time..

Emma Watson.

She goes to uni at Brown. Models for Burberry, and was Hermione Granger.

Amazing much?

Emma Watson will always be a favourite of mine x

Fascinations Of The Above

Notice that theres afew pictures of the sky?

Yup.

I'm strangely obsessed and mesmorised by it.

Seems to never get old, I could stare at the stars forever ♥

I say it a billion times, but its true, the longer you stare the more you find.

I'ts so amazing.

Studying astronomy would totally kill my love of the sky, looking at in in such depth would be so depressing.

Gazing and admiring is simple.

I love simplicity ♥ x

Discoveries

When something good happens, something will happen badly in return. Yeah so thats not completey true, but so far I believe so. I've reccently found my new love of Chai Latte's ♥, although next time I'll stick to soy cause I'm on my healthy eating diet ;)!

The School Ball. The Prom. Whatever you want to call it, it is so stressful I am deteriorating every minute! Once one problem is solved its as if another appears. Brilliant right? I'd never thought I'd be the one to say it, but I'm over it. All this stressing over it has already killed it. Pretty depressing really. Mind you, on the day I'll be excited too, but it'll be different. Peoples choices will always clash.

 Acceptance is so difficult sometimes, but what choice do we have?

You've just got to grin and bear it.

shopping shopping

I used to think that Anzac day was a somewhat boring day.. good for the soldiers I guess, but they all hate me for being half Japanese so I think I'm allowed to think its boring. OK! SO! I've discovered that Anzac Day/ Weekend has absolutely amazing sales!!!! I had to stop tempting myself by just walking away.. after spending kinda a lot.. ish. Things I bought tehheehheh ;)

Okay, the colours on this are gross, I should really take a pic of mine but no! The colours of mine are totally different, thank God for that. Go to the Ed Hardy shop in Dress-Smart now! Its only there for 2 weeks and the sale I went to was only for today.. but go anway.

Yeaaaaaaah I already have a black pair I know, but I couldn't resist.. simply because I'm the type of person who likes to have different pairs of shoes in black and white. Hence I have 3 pairs of Chucks ♥! But yeah okay so these Keds were literally half price omgomgomgomg I went crazy in the store, not really.. but a little bit. I think the people working there thought I was on crack. Meh. So I ended up getting some,  I suppose its not really that exciting to you.. but had to share my excitement haha.

Bought a t-shirt too, nothing special but all good. Time to hide my Eftpos card though, I'm becoming broke cause of buying food? FML.

RENT

^ a photo from 'Rent' the musical I saw today with my boyfriend and his friends. Who knew that Michael Murphy was still alive and singing ever since being runner-up on NZ Idol? Anyways, it was really good and would recommend anyone and everyone to go see it, go go go!

Yup. Vitamin Water ♥! I love it when they have the spinny thing (almost like the lotto wheel thing) and you get a free bottle of Vitamin Water no matter what ;)! I got pretty excited when I spinned it and it landed on... THE CHIHUAHUA! I was then just given Vitamin Water and a sweatband, the wrist type. Total downbuzz.

I Know You're Up There ♥

Here's to Hisashi Watanabe,

a man who lived a great life who is now alongside angels smiling down at us and watching our every move. He was an amazing person, a relative of mine. A man who was looked up upon, not only for his intelligence but for his kind and gentle heart. A man who could converse with anyone of any age with such ease and grace; the perfect principal of every school. You fought hard and long, and will be dearly missed.

I bet you're up there now, drinking some green tea.

 rest in peace ♥ x

Day 9 and 10

These days I really could've been at home.. but Andy my registra wanted me to stay till Monday. Which was actually all good and I'm glad I went home later than earlier :) I just walked around and went to the 'teen lounge' to go online, I really dislike the name of that its so.. unappealing. I also remember me and Mark (my roommate who had the same op as me afew days later) talking at night being super bored cause we could only watch channel 3 haha. I miss my view from my bed though, it was really nice. Especially at like 6am, I'd open the curtains so I could just watch, and the way the sun hit all the buildings seemed to bring some life back into those heartless buildings. Mind you the  pictures bring all the hype down.. but if you go there, its really spectacular :)

^ at night.. i wasn't so keen to take photos in the morning, i regret not taking them :'(

Mark's view, when his bed was high enough! I think this ones prettier.

Video Thingie is Finally Up

Day 6 and Day 7 Wednesday/ Thursday 10th, 11th March

DAY 6
Today was pretty much the same as yesterday, with the difference of feeling abit more awake! By this time I walked by myself, but it really tired me out quite a bit, hence a nap was needed every so often. I think it was also around this time that I had to get an enema, its a feeling I never ever want to experience ever again.From the day I knew I was getting this surgery, I was told I'd be in hospital for 5-7 days, but unfortunately I had to be there longer.. an extra 3 whole days! I used to freak out that I would never get better, mind you I was a little pessimistic.

DAY 7
As usual, I woke up at 7 seeing as thats when the lights at the kitchen are turned on (my room was right outside, so the light was like BAMMMM WAKE UP YOU!!). Every morning the registraas (Andy and Charlotte) come and see how you're going, they decided that this morning I should try some food.. great. I was given orange flavoured jelly and it was sickening cause it reminded me of panadol. So I got ice cream instead, it was that ice cream from Moores which we have at work. And being annoying I asked specific questions about the icecream so the registras think im fussy? It was funny though! So anyways, I tried the icecream for breakfast and manages to eat half of it. I texted my brother the good news and asked him to bring the exact foods I wanted as soon as possible ;)! I had a real craving for pizza and frozen coke.. but that never happened :(! It was wierd though, for lunch I had lettuce with Paul Newman's ceaser dressing. The doctors looked at me like I was crazy. I probably was. I really thought that they discharge me on Friday or at least sometime on the weekend. But noooo I just had to be there all weekend and was to be discharged on Monday.. Seeing as Mr.Crawford was in america, the registras were in charge of me whereas the surgeron usually makes the big calls, but all good cause the registras were nice.

Day 5, Tuesday 9th March

Well today was pretty meh. Felt as good as yesterday, not any better, this was when I started to mentally give up a bit. I just wanted to go home back to my bed and not be sick anymore! My mum stayed over 2 nights in a row, which was really helpful untill she fell asleep that when I tried to get her attention at 2am she wouldnt wake up? brilliant. Actually no, I shouldn't be so harsh.. but when you're in pain and can't reach the nurse bell and noone can hear you.. its a feeling you'll never understand untill you've experienced it yourself. Its that impossible to imagine yourself, really it is.

At this stage I still couldn't eat, I think they were trying to get me to drink a little bit but I really didn't want to seeing as I knew what would happen. Hmmmm. I was more mobile now I think but still felt gross.

OH WAIT. it was today, that I had my huge melt-down of wanting to go home, I remember this conversation with a nurse:

Nurse: why are you crying emiko? are you sore?
Me: No, no, I just need to cry it makes me less nausesous and I just want to go home.
Nurse: Do you want your mum here or something?
Me: No I'm all good not seeing people, I just want to go home. But don't worry I'm not sore, just let me cry. (Yeah I was pretty much smiling while saying this while crying, strange I know.)
Nurse: Ohhkay, we just worry.

Oh the countless times I'd have to tell them that hahaha oh well :)

OHHHH and theres like hardly any pictures on here cause I've decided I'll just make a video at the end with all of them so its easier!

Day 4, Monday 8th March

Isn't my brother just handy dandy? He left me afew notes, tracking my recovery progress!
So here's what it says..

"Getting better, emotionally unstable."

I was not emotionally unstable! Not yet anyway. I did cry alot though, not because of pain or of being homesick, crying was the only thing that could make me feel better. When nurses helped me to sit up or even to lie me back down to bed I would burst out crying, yeah sounds a little over dramatic I agree. But at the time, crying made my nausea going away, and that was my worst problem. Feeling nauseous everyday, with your tummy constantly bloated and feeling rock hard, it makes you feel a little down. By this stage I think my 2 iv lines were now reduced to one. They left a needle like thing in my arm untill the day before I was discharged, just incase there was an emergency and I needed fast working pain killers or something.
My morphine drip came out around this 4th day too I think, so I was slowly being put onto meds taken through the mouth.. I hated it. The transistion of moving from everything put in through iv lines, to taking the painkillers orally was probably one of the worst experiences.. but I hardly remember it now YAY! Morphine and brufen were always the easy tablets, nice and small. Panadol was my worst enemy. Still kinda is, but only a little bit ;)

Day 3, Sunday 7th March

Today I wasn't throwing up as much, thank God for that. Despite that, my tummy and bowels were still shut down therefore I'm still not allowed to eat or drink.. but all good seeing as eating or drinking is the last thing on my mind. All I want to do is sleep and stop feeling so digusting and uncomfortable. Ben visited today, which was nice seeing as all I did was look outside all day! Although I felt bad for visitors seeing as I just zone out and sleep for a few minutes then wakeup (apparently). My uncle and auntie Neil and Mila came and visited that night at around 7.30. I remember the tv was on, and there were two conversations going on. Having 3 different conversations going on while you feel horrible was reaaaally hard, I felt like my head was going to explode. It was still nice to see vistitors though! I was also really sleepy still today and each day I felt a little bit better. :)

Day 2

My mum and brother visited at aroun 9am , I felt better than yesterday but still groggy and out of it. All I wanted to do was sleep and drink water! I swear my mouth has never been so dry. First Rachel came and saw me around lunch time, then Denise, Simone, Adriana and Anne came around 3. Looking back now, the flowers they all bought me were so pretty , the balloons were exciting and the posters with messages were awesome :) seeing as when I got them I could hardly see them clearly nor pay much attention. I think when visiting people in hospital, people often forget that even though we love company.. we don't like to talk so much and it reaaaally tired me out :p i was quite the conversation maker! Although everyone tells me that I dosed off for a few minutes then just started talking haha.

By this point I was pretty much a throwing up machine, it was horrific and never ever do I want to be like that again! I don't remember too much, all the days seemed to drag into one long day.

Day 1: Surgery

A nurse woke me up at around 6.30am, although she didn't really wake me. I had been waking up that night every hour cause I was finally starting to freak out, and knowing hospitals.. its hard to get any decent sleep there. The nurse then gave me afew towels and the special scrub which disinfects any area for up to 6 hours. It took me around 15-20 minutes to get up from my bed, if I had got up any faster I would've thrown up. I was that nervous. After getting up and having a little cry I had a shower and felt a bit better :)! As I was drying my hair with my own hair dryer, a team of around 4 or 5 people came.. kinda awkward but funny seeing as they were all serious while i was using a hair dryer :p oh well they had a little laugh but all good. I was asked a billion times if I had any questions, and by the morning I had none left. Once the team had left, afew other nurses came and asked if i was ready to go, they wheeled me over to Auckland Hospital in my bed. Its a really wierd feeling being wheeled in a bed.. I felt bad cause I was more than able to walk.

Once we arrived in pre-op at Auckland hospital, the anesthisaist came and gave me anti-axiety meds (the happy drug!) the picture on the left is after I had it.. its pretty obvious. After this stage I pretty much don't remember anything.. but I kinda remember being in theatre waiting but it couldve been a dream?

This was just before the happy drug I think, the nurse in the photo is Rachel. We have the same cellphone! She was really nice and easy to talk to :).

<- the photo is after recovery, and i was put into room 8. Although I don't remember a thing at all!

It all went perfectly, thanks to all the docotors, nurses, and of course my surgeon Mr Hamish Crawford.

I'm finally back home!

I came home yesterday around 2pm on the 15th March. I ended up being in hospital a bit longer than usual, it was a long 10 days but its all worth it in the end. I'll start blogging about my days in the next few posts.
Its so wierd being back at home, and strangely I kinda miss the ward I was in. Its so quiet being home alone! No kids running around singing, screaming, laughing, or crying. Sometimes the littlest things are so difficult, like opening the microwave and fridge.. it tires me out like crazy! I think I'll go for a walk soon, fingers crossed the rain won't pour down on me, then again a walk in the rain might be nice. When i went home in the car yesterday it was insane! It was so uncomfortable and the littlest bump can really become sore, also not being in a car for 10 days is wierder than you'd think. I was so isolated from 'normal life' that this just feels abnormal. I can finally sleep at night and even slept in till around 8 or 8.30 this morning :) usually in hospital i woke up at 6 or 7 due to lights, or people talking. Because I'm a little bit taller now, I really notice it at home when things seem a little more smaller and further away :p I have alot of adjusting to do!

Now I just want to go shopping :) I think I need some new clothes for my new height ;)

(P.S I get to eat as many calorie filled food as I like! Apparently I'll keep losing weight due to my back needing lots of energy to fix that I need to eat loads! Sucks that my appetite isnt 100%...  burgery fuel and aioli here i come ;)!!  )

Home Tomorrow

Okay I'll write about my recovery when I'm at home and bored.

For now, I'm going home tomorrow! Afew days back I was literally crying wanting to go home, being pretty much depressed. Now.. I'm going to miss being here. But home looks pretty cosy for now although im not looking foward to being bored :( . I've been in hospital for 8 days now, tomorrow itll be 9 which is really long seeing as I got told I'd be here for 5 to 7 days. I've had my xrays taken yesterday and they look crazy and straight ;) but still a little curved, cause they can't make it 100% straight but all good.

When I get back home ill start adding photos and a video of me walking :p woohoo! Walking is a big deal for me right now and running isnt even in the picture, if i could run right now it would be like suddenly being a millionaire ! (maybe not as great but you get the comparison..) I'm thinking of maybe going to school to see people for a little bit but my energy levels arent great yet so we'll see.

'kay ive been hoggging the computer for ever and feel like an internet obessed freak so im gonna go now :p
See you back at home ;)!

Surgery, tomorrow.

I'm in the Starship Teen Lounge and am so glad I have the internet you have no idea! But kinda gay I don't have a webcam.. Although I do have my laptop, this computer has the vodaphone usb pluggy in thing for internet.. so i doubt they have wifi?

Today they took blood tests and I saw loads of different people! The anesthiaist, physio, nurses, a gp kinda guy, one of the English surgeons and the main surgeon Dr. Crawford will come see me later I think. So, tomorrow I'll get woken up at around 7am, then have a shower and apply this disinfectant stuff on my skin where my spine is, then get the thing to stick in my hand to make me go to sleep. I get to choose when I get my anxiety meds but apparently they're going to give it to me right before I go into theatre?

Complications.. I just thought that it would be paralisation etc, but nooo theres blindness aswell! Apparently any surgery where the patient has to lie on their tummy has a chance of becoming blind :(. I'm not as scared as I thought I'd be but it'll hit me soon I think.. I'm staying in room 11 right now but I'll move to another room which will be more spacious and private due to spinal surgery being a serious op.

Thanks everyone for all your hugs, prayers, and messeges of support :)
I'll be dandy as a dandilion soon enough :)

2 more days..

Tonights my last night at home, in my own cosy bed, pure perfection! But tomorrow, I've got to mission a physics internal, admitting to hospital, getting blood tests, xrays and seeing lots of doctors and the anesthesia guy who trys to make jokes which are funny cause its that kinda funny that its so dry its funny but they dont get it that its dry so its funny kinda funny? Fingers crossed I'm in a single room, or if I'm sharing one I sure hope its noone unreasonable.

It really hasn't hit me yet, but I'm pretty sure it will soon, just you wait. Yeah, I'll be in pain and be crazyily on meds, but materialisticly I'll be taller and more pulled up through the waist. And I'll be all good for when I'm like 27 with my first kid :p!

I'll be pretty much living on this site and FaceBook!
Don't miss me too much :p

Basic Info.

1.) I'm in Ward 24A (Orthopaedics) at Starship
2.) Try contact me if you're coming in to visit.
3.) Theres a notice board for me thats empty in my room.. ;)
4.) If you're bringing food, pleaaaase make sure I'm able to eat or it will be totortuous!
5.) If I'm lazy, remind me that for the ball I need be able to wear heals hence I need excercise.
:)

Sunday, February 28

Yup, so I'm creating a blog as I figured its the easiest way of communicating to everyone while I'm away all snuggled up in bed sleeping or walking around getting better for the ball :)!

I get admitted at Starship on Thursday at 2.00pm, but I'm going to school that morning for our physics internal, I get operated on Friday at around 8.00am. I have a whole plan for that morning, so I won't be replying to txts that morning.. I'm hoping to be put to sleep ASAP, fingers crossed. Oh and I'm only in hospital for 5-7 days then I'll be at home. Simple things will be updated on Facebook but it won't be by me soooo don't rip my head off if I don't reply.

5 more days till surgery.